Mustang Gets What Mustang Wants
by Punk Alchemist
Summary: Roy Mustang: Sexiest Member of the Military. He should be able to get any girl, right? Wrong. Hilarity ensues as he tries to win the heart of Riza Hawkeye. RoyXRiza
1. Intro

Mustang Gets What Mustang Wants...

[Roy X Riza]

**Haha. Well, this idea came about rather randomly...Roy just randomly popped into my head...X3 Enjoy the random crack! Oh yeah, and I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, no matter how much I might like to...**

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Ah, Roy Mustang...Suave, handsome, Colonel of the military Mustang. Every girl that came within sight of him swooned on the spot. That is, every girl but Riza Hawkeye, the woman he most wanted to impress. NOTHING could excite her. At least, nothing HE ever did could excite her. I mean, you'd think being the Flame Alchemist alone would make any chick dig you, but obviously Riza wasn't the pyro type. Nor was she the type to be fooled by flimsy pick-up lines or his chiseled features. Any other man would've given up, but Roy Mustang is not 'any other man.' He is 'Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist.' And besides...Mustang gets what Mustang  
wants...

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Short little intro. The actual chapters will be longer, so no worries! And I'll definitely keep up with this and "Naruto Rants on Pairings" (which seriously needs to be updated...)**


	2. Paperwork and Moodswings

Mustang Gets What Mustang Wants...

**Disclaimer: Though I wish I could take credit for FMA, I can't. That's Arakawa-sensei's job **

**So enjoy the chapta!**

Colonel Mustang was actually outside for once today, enjoying the slight breeze and streaming sunshine. He closed his eyes for just a moment. However, he was abruptly brought back to Earth by a barking of "Hey, Colonel!" He opened his eyes, then looked around for who had yelled to him. He then smirked, looking down to see Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. "Ah, hello there, Edward. Didn't see you." He received a glare in turn. "OH, DIDN'T SEE ME ABOVE ALL THE LITTLE BLADES OF GRASS, HUH?!" Roy chuckled to himself, but otherwise cleared his throat, turning his attention to Ed. "Yes Fullmetal, what is it?" Ed thrust his report at the Colonel. "Oh, yes. I see you finally finished it." Ed hmphed in reply, but bowed before walking off. Roy yawned, not really feeling up to looking over the report, so he instantly burned it between his fingers, dropping the ashes onto the ground. "Colonel Mustang!" He jumped, looking behind him to see a pissed off Hawkeye. -sweatdrop- "Did you just do what I think you did?" He smirked. "Depends. What do you _think _I did?" She frowned, obviously not impressed at his playing dumb...

Roy moaned over his new paperwork he now had to complete. _'Kuso...one damn paper and she reacts like this?! It's gonna take a lot more than a smile and a cheap pick-up line to get this chick...' _ And, just when he didn't need, it, his phone rang. "Hello?" "Ah, Colonel Mustang! How are things up there, being a _colonel _and all?" And, of course, it had to be Hughes... "What do you want, Hughes..." "What, I can't say hi to a friend now? Oh, and you should see these new pictures I took of Elysa! She looks like an angel!" Roy tapped his fingers on the desk. "Yes, yes, that's all very nice, Hughes, but I have some paperwork to attend to, so if you don't mi-" Hughes laughed raucously on the other line, Mustang wincing and holding the phone away from his poor ear. "You?! Doing paperwork?! Ha! That's great! Hawkeye's got you whipped, eh?" This only made Roy slam the phone down, glaring angrily at his tall tower of paperwork, ever so tempted to burn it, as well, but not wanting a repeat of another Hawkeye moment...especially since she threatened him with her gun this time...

It had taken him at least an hour or two to finish the assigned papers, but he'd done it! He sighed in relief, leaning back in his desk chair, arms rested comfortably behind his head. _'Damn, what I wouldn't give to be out on the town right now with some hot chick...a hot little piece of-' _His thoughts were interrupted, however, by a knock on his door. He scowled, but otherwise replied with a monotone, but slightly pissed off "Yes, come in." Low and behold, it was Lt. Hawkeye. He dropped his feet from their more comfortable position atop his desk and sat up properly. Slumping was not suave. No, not at all. "Well, hello Lt. Hawkeye. To what do I owe this great pleasure?" And to top off the charm, he added that simple smile that would've made any other woman (or fangirl, for that matter) fall to his feet. However, as aforementioned, Hawkeye is not your ordinary breed of woman and definitely not a fangirl of the Colonel's. She paid the Colonel no mind and scooped up the paperwork stacked in a neat pile on the end of his desk and briskly left the office. He slumped once again, rather bored with Hawkeyes' uptight behavior. Alas, Hawkeye needed to get out! Have fun! Let her hair down! Both in the metaphorical and literal sense, that is. Roy pondered this, now wondering exactly WHAT Hawkeye looked like all dressed up...with her hair down... It was enough to let Mustang daydream about for a rather short period of time before thinking up a plot to make his little daydream a reality...

**Hm...what could Roy possibly have up his sleeve? Who knows! Gomen ne for taking so long to update! School is murdering me Thanx for taking the time to read and those who took the time to review! **


	3. Puppies and Yelling and Bags, Oh My!

Mustang Gets What Mustang Wants...

**Remember! Me no owns Fullmetal Alchemist! Thanks for the reviews! Short little explanation: When the words are in quotation marks like  
"this", that means they're talking. 'These' quote marks means they're thinking. And it'll probably be in italics, too. **

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Mustang currently sat at his desk, glaring at the papers he was supposed to complete. '_What the hell's the use of completing stupid papers, anyway...I'm the Colonel for shit's sake...I swear, when I become Führer...' _However, his little inner monologue with himself ended when he heard yelping outside the door. "Havoc, get that thing the hell away from me! That's not funny!" "Aw, come on, it's just a little puppy..." "GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!" Mustang scowled. Sometimes his subordinates could be so childish. Well, at least it was a reasonable excuse to escape his paperwork. He pushed his papers aside for the moment, walking over to his door and opening it to see Havoc chasing after Breda with Lt. Hawkeye's dog, Hayate. Breda had a fear of the creatures, and Havoc found it funny to tease him about it. "Havoc, Breda, settle down." They jumped upon hearing Roy's voice. "Uh, hello Colonel Mustang." Havoc saluted him with one hand, the puppy under his other arm. Breda followed suit. "If you two don't have anything to keep yourselves occupied, then at least keep it down. Some people have _actual work _to do, believe it or not." "Yes sir." They said in unison as he closed the door to his office. "Another excuse to get out of his paperwork?" "Yup." They knew Mustang's technique too well by now. Anything to get out of doing his work...

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Since Roy had finally finished his papers like a good boy (psh), he stood up, stretching and looking out the window. '_Damn, I've got a hand cramp...maybe I'll go outside for a while...' _Before he could, however, there was a knock at his door. "Yes, come in." The door opened and Roy turned around to see who had entered his office. It was Hawkeye. "Ah, hello Lt. Hawkeye. How are you today?" '_Grawr...' _"Fine, sir. Führer sended some more papers that needed to be run by you." Roy's face fell. '_But I just finished papers! Dammit...' _"Ah, yes, of course. Just set them down here, please." '_Damn, I can feel carpal tunnel coming on already...' _As Hawkeye made to leave, Roy stopped her with a "Ah, Lt. Hawkeye?" She turned around. "Yes, Colonel?" He sweatdropped. "Ah, would you..." "Lt. HAWKEYE!!!!" Someone screamed. She winced. "Sorry, sir. I have to go." She abruptly left the office. He slumped back in his desk chair. Then, remembering slumping was not good for posture and 'the ladies' did not like hunchbacks, he immediately sat up straight. '_Just a little more paperwork, then I'm out of here...'_

Roy leaned back in his chair, moaning over his cramped hand. "Mustang, sir!!" Breda and Fuery burst into Mustang's office. He frowned. "Have you two ever heard of a common courtesy called knocking?" They apparently ignored his annoyance. Their faces appeared horror-stricken. "Sir! Sir! We have an issue on our hands!" '_Besides your mental incapacity, you mean...' _"Well, what is it?" "Come! Follow us!"

Roy's eyebrow twitched. He could've flamed their asses on the spot, but there would've been too many questions asked about two missing men serving in the military. "You called me out here...voices stricken with fear...FOR A FUCKING BAG FLOATING IN THE WIND?!?!" "Not just any bag! It's a BLUE bag!" Mustang's eye twitched, then he smirked. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's a blue bag, isn't it...?" He reached into his pocket, pulling out his gloves. Breda's and Fuery's eyes widened. "Ah...what are you doing, Colonel?" He turned, smirking. "I'll give you a 5 second headstart...STARTING 5 SECONDS AGO!!"

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Enjoyed it, un? I sure hope so! Hehe, Mustang's a little angry, ne? X3 Next chappie out soon! Trying to update Naruto Rant, too. Have slight writer's block on that one... -bangs head against desk- Happy Holidays everyone! Whoo, I update this one b4 the new year! I can't guarantee i can update the Naruto rant before the new year, but who said I couldn't try? I won't give up, believe it!


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